The Unbearable Whiteness of Being

We’re back again with another edition of: the making fun of lyrics segment that I haven’t thought of a name for yet. Today’s selection is from the 1993 album Doggystyle from Snoop Doggy Dogg. According to the album’s wikipedia page the title of the album is a reference to the doggystyle sex position. Boy, you learn something new every day, huh?

Anyway, the song/rap/whatever of the day is Doggy Dogg World, which in addition to Snoop also features Kurupt and Daz. Being the crackeriest cracker that ever cracked most of these lyrics could be just over my head, but a lot of them don’t make a damn lick of sense. One thing I have gleaned from it is that Snoop Dogg and the other two have very high self esteem. Which is healthy, and totally unusual in the world of rap. It starts with a bit of an intro an old drunk guy, then Snoop comes on.


Snoop: Ya know, some of these niggaz is so deceptive
Usin my styles like a contraceptive


We now know why rappers have so many kids. “No baby, you don’t need to take your pill, no condoms. We’re gonna use Snoop’s style”

Snoop: So put your gun away, run away, cuz i'm back (why?)
Hit em up, get em up, spit em up, now
Tell me what's goin on

No no, the unknown, unseen entity in the parenthesis asked you why you were back first. I’ll tell you what’s going on once you answer him/her/it.

Snoop: It make me wanna holler, cuz my dollars come in ozones

From the NASA website: “Ozone is an irritating, corrosive, colorless gas with a smell something like burning electrical wiring.”

Note to strippers: avoid Snoop Dogg’s tips.

Snoop: Lone for the break-up, so take off your clothes
and quit tryin to spit at my motherfuckin hoes

Geez, one command at a time bossy boots. Now help me with these shoes.

Next up is Kurupt, and boy this certainly took his career to the next level didn't it? Oh, it didn't? Nevermind

Kurupt: Well if you give me ten bitches then I'll fuck all ten

Okay, I give you Rosie O’Donnell, Alexis Arquette, Ellen Degeneres, and seven rejects from Biggest Loser. Go

Kurupt: Ain't that somethin, talk shit and I'm dumpin

Yes that is something. If I were to talk shit about how you’ve not done anything of note since this video 16 years ago you’d literally shit yourself. That’s generally not something you just want to admit all willy-nilly

Kurupt: I'm a G like that strapped with hit hard tactics
A fuckin menace, usin hoes like tennis rackets

“Okay, now let’s see your backhand. Man you’re terrible, I can’t understand why you haven’t gotten any better in our seven sessions. Wait….. are you using a skanky woman wearing a tube top and booty shorts to hit those balls? Here, use a Wilson racket instead, you should start to see results immediately”

Perhaps it’s because I’m whiter than the inside of Lindsay Lohan’s nostrils, but I literally have no idea what using hoes like tennis rackets means. And if not for tennis, does he use them for other uses? Does he use hoes to catch bats that fly into his house? Does he use hoes to play air guitar while “November Rain” is playing? To strain spaghetti? Someone help me out

Kurupt: I'm dishin out blues, I'm upsetting like bad news
Cut off khakis, french braids, and house shoes

I understand why bad news is upsetting. But the other three things seem mostly harmless. Don’t be a pussy Kurupt

Last is Daz. Not to be confused with Nas, or Taz.

Daz: I flip flop and serve hoes with a fat dick

“Here’s your champagne madame ho, but please be gentle when you take it. By the way have I told you I’ve totally reversed my stance on abortion?”

There, now you've read something on a subject written by someone who has no business writing about it. You're now prepared to read Drew Barrymore's writings about euclidean geometry.