NFL Players to Wear Throwback Jerseys, Numbers, and Names

Fake News: Sports

- New York City

The NFL has mandated that the San Francisco 49ers and Denver Broncos will wear throwback jerseys for their match-up in London, England this weekend. In addition, certain players will be issued throwback numbers and names for their jerseys.

“We had to do something,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell. “If we send over the current version of the Broncos and 49ers to play in London it could cause an international incident. The UN nearly imposed sanctions against the UK for sending David Beckham to the United States. The good news is that the British are oblivious to American football. They don’t know that the only players they’ve ever heard of on these teams are long retired. We could get a monkey and slap a #7 “Elway” jersey on him and they wouldn’t know the difference. Unfortunately, the monkey fell ill and we’re stuck with Kyle Orton.”

“I thought it was odd that they told us we were going to be wearing 80s throwback jerseys since our uniforms have basically been the same since the 1960s,” said San Francisco wide receiver Michael Crabtree. “However, I changed my mind once they told me I’d be wearing the #80 “Rice” jersey. I was honored to be quite honest. Of course I’ll now be holding out of the game since I deserve Jerry Rice money.”

The NFL has decided that Alex Smith will be issued a #16 “Montana” jersey for the first half, and a #8 “Young” jersey for the second half. “He will be instructed to throw left-handed in the second half, for authenticity’s sake.” Said 49ers PR Director Bob Lange “Hell, it’s Alex Smith. The change may actually work for him.”