Partisan Gridlock Over The Debt Ceiling Could Send Us Into a Depress….. Hey Look, a Politician’s Dick!

As the August 2nd deadline to increase the debt ceiling looms, polarizing views on how to balance the budget may force the United States to default on its debt for the first time its history. This in all likelihood would…. oh my god, look over there, it’s a picture of a married Congressman’s penis! Haha, he accidentally sent it out as a tweet when it meant to send it to some random woman. Oh man, this is hilarious, let’s pay attention to that. What? Aww hell, okay

This in all likelihood would send the economy off a cliff, making it as bad as anything the country has endured since the 1930s, or even worse. Members of the GOP are refusing to raise the ceiling without a massive amount of cuts being made in public spending, but disagree with Democrats who feel that taxes will also need to be raised… Wait, what? His name is Weiner? Holy shit, that just makes the whole thing even funnier. I mean, wiener is another word for penis, which is what he sent pictures of. And he’s all shirtless and pervy, and look at these transcripts of chats with women. Comedy gold! Fuck, gotta continue with the boring story.

Democrats feel that taxes will need to be raised, if only on the richest Americans, in order to get the budget balanced. Without tax increases spending will need to be slashed by about 40% to balance the budget and not have to raise the debt ceiling. This would slow (if not reverse) the already pokey economic recovery. This would also have to include massive cuts in Medicare and Social Security. If the US defaults on its debt it would also put the world economy in jeopardy as the US is still…. Haha, look at this headline ‘Obama Beats Weiner’. Woo, that’s a good one, because it implies masturbation. Wait, I have a good one ‘Weiner Weiner Chicken Dinner’. What? Shut up, they don’t always have to be phallicly based.

Anyway, if the US defaults on its debt it can have both long and short term implications. These include a very sharp decline in the stock market, hyperinflation, depression level unemployment, inability to pay for Social Security and Medicare, inability to pay the military…. and the list just goes on. Hell, this is really depressing. Wait, wait, I have another one: The coverup is always worse than the crime, but luckily for us he covered up his dick in most of his pictures. Haha, Leno show here I come. Looks like I may have to pay $20 for a can of soup too, but I think it all balances out in that case.